If My Father Sent Me to Old Rutgers, Does that Mean My Mom Was in the Kitchen?

In case you couldn't tell, I go to Rutgers. It's a pretty old school, one of the first to be established in the United States, to be exact. With this old age comes a very old Alma Mater that is sang at the end of many sports competitions. The lyrics are so old, you can tell that they're dated in the opening lyrics, which are May father sent me to old Rutgers/And resolved that I should be a man. Thankfully, Rutgers allows more than just guys now, and about fifty-three percent of the school is female-identified.

Rutgers is really well known for its diversity, in fact, your application asks you to write an essay and inform the school about how you will add to it as a student. It makes sense. Rutgers has well known departments that range from gender studies to pharmacy, history to biology, philosophy to engineering. Artsy kids, frat boys, science nerds, and hipsters eat in the same dining halls and live on the same campuses. It's not always harmonious, but it's certianly functioning.

Another part of campus that is particularly unique is Douglass College. Douglass College is an all-girl's program that specializes in the uniting and strengthening of women and their ability to be leaders in the world. The dissolving of all the campuses at Rutgers has resulted in Douglass girls to be a part of the Rutgers community, even though they are allowed perks such as all-girl housing, extra advisers, and required courses with names such as women's leadership.

For some reason, whether it's college, or it's high school, or it's just society in general, being unique commonly results in flack from the rest of the population. I vividly remember that while I was walking through Douglass to my, er, women's and gender studies course last semester, I saw that someone wrote in chalk "Where the feminists live" underneath the Douglass seal on the side of a pathway. There's also the assumption that every Douglass girl is a lesbian (which is sadly not true). Most people complete the Douglass girl stereotype with the fact that every Douglass girl is a crazy, man-hating, bitch.

This image of Douglass girl resulted into a hot mess on my Facebook feed when the DGC (Douglass's student government) announced that the alma mater should be changed to no longer have the male-oriented lyrics.

I'm sure, being known as a lesbian feminist occasional bitch, I'm sure a lot of people assumed that I was pro-lyric change. However, as a history major, I say no way in hell should the lyrics be changed. While, yeah, the lyrics are definitely aimed toward men, you can't deny that it shows the school's age, in a good way. Alma maters are based in tradition that may not always be politically correct. The best way to avoid these kind of issues, because they always do come up, is to simply do things with gender equality in mind.

While going through comments, I've realized that most people, even Douglass students, don't really agree with the alma mater change, and most of this has been made up by the DGC. The DGC's opinion does not necessarily reflect the rest of Douglass campus. However, most people don't realize this, which has resulted in a lot of anger toward Douglass girls in general. I've seen offensive terms be thrown around, ranging from bitches, to cunts, to even taunting them with phrases such as "If Douglass is so progressive, why don't they allow guys in their program?"

It's interesting how a debate about an alma mater become so violent. It's okay to be against the alma mater change. I would even contemplate going up to the DGC and saying, "Hello, we all got bigger things to worry about in the women's rights movement." We should be focusing on the parts of campus that get so dark girls are afraid to walk around at night out of fear of getting raped. We should promote awareness of not just women's rights, but even people that don't fit the gender binary. We should also try and figure out how to make terms like feminist not be used as a weapon, but as a good thing.

While the DGC has brought the alma mater-related issues upon themselves, the violent threats and terms aimed at Douglass campus on a whole is not their fault. The only reason why terms like lesbians, feminists, and dykes are used as derogatory toward Douglass kids is because of the lack of education amongst many students in gender studies.

Douglass girls are required to take women's leadership courses. They learn to overcome obstacles and also learn gender theory along the way. In other Rutgers programs, students are allowed to take classes such as Women in Culture and Society-a 101 class on women's and gender studies-to knock out interdisciplinary requirements. This class can do wonders to people- yesterday we had an intelligent discussion about reproductive rights, which is something that I know for a fact we could not have done two months earlier. The people in the class have grown a lot in the semester. But while we've learned not to be scared of terms such as feminism, queer, and abortion, most people aren't. Because of this, the image of women speaking up in most situations, their opinions become disregarded and dismissed as the opinion of bunch of stupid cunts/dykes/feminists.

But what can the campus do to fix this? Well, we are a research university. Actually looking up the words you want to use can help. Don't call people feminists in a derogatory sense. You probably are one yourself. Realize that the issues of one part of a group doesn't necessarily represent everyone else. Not everyone that's a Douglass girl is for the alma mater change. And if you are mature enough to acknowledge that you need to be more educated in this field, and get credit for it, check out one of the women's and gender studies courses on campus. It'll make you sound less stupid when these kind of school dramas happen.

Queer Bro Code

I think I can make a blanket statement about this blog: you all have friends-that-are-gay. Or lesbian. Or bisexual. Or transgender. Or just some branch of the queer community. And this is obviously not a bad thing. Particularly because one of those friends-that-are-lesbian is writing this thing.

Society in general, at least in the US, is at a strange point in time. A lot of men are coming to terms with the word "bromance", or, according to Urban Dictionary (I know, my sources are awesome), "a highly formed friendship between male friends." This type of relationship has been exemplified in Hollywood, particularly with the film I Love You, Man, in which a guy that has never really had a guy best friend acquires one while on a mission to find a best man for his wedding. If you haven't seen it, you really should. Just saying. While this movie is not particularly revolutionary, it has certainly exemplified the changing times and attitudes about two dudes caring about each other- not in a romantic way, but in just a friend kind of way that most people assumed could only be attained by by straight women, or maybe a straight woman and a gay man.



Now that bromances are okay, and girlmances (I guess that's the term?) have always been acceptable, it's now time for society to discuss the dynamic of straight people and their gay friends. Which, according to the New York Times, can get crazy complicated. Its introduction discussed the relationship between American Idol runner up Adam Lambert, who is gay, and winner for that season, Kris Allen, who is straight. If you haven't really listened to me talk about these two-affectionately called Kradam-here's a primer: Adam and Kris were roommates in the Idol mansion and Adam, obviously able to tell that Kris was attractive, had a little crush on him. However, he was able to have a perfectly functioning friendship with Kris and they are obviously forever going to have a bond as an American Idol final two. New York Times, and a lot of other people, have applauded Kris for apparently overlooking Adam's flamboyance and what is apparently his faults as a gay man that had an attraction toward a guy that he knew wasn't going to lead him anywhere.

I'm not particularly sure of the sexuality of the article writer of this story, but the vibe that I got throughout it is that straight guys sacrifice so much being friends with gay men. They apparently put up with a lot of the possibilities of having a difficult relationship and the fact that they may lust after someone.

Little does the heteronormal world is pretty burdensome sometimes when they interact with us queers, too. Perhaps New York Times should have thought about making an article about the queer community and how we put up with a lot of things for our straight friends.



Keep in mind, that I absolutely adore my straight friends. They're awesome in their own unique way. However, while I know that my friends are heterosexual, I don't exactly use them as a novelty item. I don't run around proclaiming that I'm hanging out with "my straight friends." You guys are just people. I love you, but seriously. I know that the queer community's pretty interesting, but we still aren't novelty items. You can't collect us all. I understand that, especially when you're straight, you kind of feel compelled to prove yourself as a liberal-minded person, and almost need to collect people of various backgrounds to prove your difference. It's tempting to just mash all your friends together based on their identities- your queer friends, your black friends, your Asian friends, your biracial friends. But honestly? When you say that-when you call Adam "the gay one" and Kris "the straight one"-you're putting us in some sort of category we don't always want to be in. Okay, we get it, we might even shout it: we're here, we're queer. But when we're hanging out with our friends, we don't particularly need to go to pride parades and hang out in clubs. We actually like the same things that you do- be it shitty reality TV, or dancing in the rain, or maybe the feeling of wearing a warm fuzzy sweater. But we don't need to be known as a gay person that feels this way.

For example, the whole straight girl/gay guy dynamic. Okay, so there's a few stereotypes that are occasionally true in the gay community- a lot of gay men are in the art world. We can't deny it. A lot of guys like fashion and occasionally get pedicures and like Lady GaGa. But what straight people don't realize is that some gay guys just want to throw a hoodie, not even touch their feet, and not enjoy Lady GaGa (I know, that's hard to imagine that any person doesn't like GaGa, but it happens). However, girls feel the need to search for their gay and when they find it, they want to force their ways into their social life. Photos get taken, Facebook friend requests occur, and a lot of dialogue that results in, "Oh my God, my friend is gay, how cool is that?" But little do they know is that they're enforcing stereotypes that they idealize as an insta-best friend and don't even realize that it might not apply for some people, and they may be awesome people outside of it.

This idea of stereotyping can also be disastrous in terms of straight girls/lesbians. For some reason, we're not considered fun, because we're supposed to be these tough bulldykes that don't want to go to the mall. O, I'm sorry you feel that way? Contrary to popular belief, girls that like girls can be pretty all right. But for some reason, only Ellen Degeneres can be a fun lesbian, and the rest of us are just kind of angry at the world girls that like girls. But, to be honest, I've been able to surround myself with awesome straight girls that look past the whole "Oh, you like girls" part. They're all amazing and supportive and I absolutely adore them. But that doesn't mean that the idea still exists.

The dynamic that I've had the most interaction with, seeing as though I mostly hang out with these people, and I'm a lesbian myself, is the straight guy/lesbian dynamic. They dynamic is very similar to the straight girl/gay guy dynamic in the sense that the girl is attached with a lot of expectations. As a lesbian, I'm basically considered a "bro", for lack of a better term. I'm supposed to be able to play video games, talk about girls, and give them insight into the lesbian world. But, in all honesty, that's exhausting. I'm not the expert of the lesbian world. And don't be shocked when I'm looking for the same exact thing you're looking for, either. I'm not the spokesperson for the lesbian world, either. What I'm looking for in a girl might not be what other people are looking for, either. And that gets pretty frustrating. I don't look at my guy friends and expect them to be the representatives of the straight community. These expectations ruin relationships and just make me bummed out of my mind when talking to people.

So what have we learned today? Queer people are like everyone else. They're pretty fun times in general. If people would stop constantly categorizing them in situations that are irrelevant to sexuality, we could all get along a little easier.

Here, have a photo of GaGa cookies for your time:


If you want to say anything, please leave it in the comments.

BTW I do not own any of the photos featured in this post. I hope they amuse you nonetheless.

I'm a person just like you, but I've got better things to do.

There's Pepsi in that cup, I swear

If you're a senior in high school and/or a college student, you've probably been on a college tour. They're pretty straightforward- some kid that goes to the school that's in question takes a group of bright-eyed high schoolers and their dutifully notetaking parents around campus while giving a really broad idea of what college life is like. The student that leads the group must be multi-talented, like walking backwards for extended periods of time, wearing tacky polos, and asking a lot of stupid questions.

One question that is always brought up on these tours, usually by a parent with their first kid going to college, is the drinking situation on campus. The student leader usually just smiles and gives the safe, not really lie, of "Oh! Well, not everyone drinks! And we have very strict guidelines if underage drinking occurs!"

Kids that don't go to college, I have to let you in on a little secret: underage drinking occurs. A lot. Drinking in general happens a lot. And I'm not just saying this because I go to Rutgers. Every college that allows alcohol on campus has (underage) drinking going on. There's also people smoking pot behind the buildings, taking painkillers that are not prescribed to them, and making generally bad mistakes.

Of course, it's different going to a college that has alcohol on campus and be a veteran edge kid at the same time.

For those that don't know, straightedge is a lifestyle that originated in the punk scene. The philosophy is pretty simple: don't drink, don't smoke, don't be a whore. Notable straightedgers include the band, Minor Threat, which a lot of people cite as the originators of the movement, Davey Havok from AFI, and that dude that broke edge, Pete Wentz (breaking edge obviously meaning ending your straightedge-ness). While sometimes straightedge kids are self-righteous assholes, we're overall pretty good times.


See? Me being fun times.

Anyway, being straightedge at college isn't really hard. I have a lot of friends that drink and while there's alcohol and they say I can have it, they respect that I don't do it. However, they will use my birthday and personal milestones as an excuse to drink for themselves (I'm pretty sure they're planning a "Donna's done with Accutane!" party soon enough). It's kind of like religion or veganism or whatever- if you really believe in it, you're going to keep up with it. Even if there's an abundance of alcohol, especially when you're a girl and you can get into any frat based on the fact that you wield a vagina. (EDIT: This is in reply to the fact that girls can get into frat parties based on our female-identified status, thanks for pointing that out, anon!)

However, being straightedge in college is definitely different. Initially, I didn't say that I was edge. I didn't really know how people would react. In high school, I didn't party. I'm still that nerdy girl that would rather pass her time with close friends watching bad movies and dancing to nineties pop. So being straightedge was all right in high school. It wasn't weird, because my friends really didn't party either, at least until junior/senior year of high school. So I said I didn't drink and I couldn't drink anyway, because of the acne medication I was on (Accutane messes up your liver function, so you're strongly recommended not to drink while on it). But as the months went by, I began to realize that when my medication was over with... I was totally going to have to just say that I'm not going to be drinking when I'm done with my medication, either.

It felt kind of like coming out again, really. Because it sort of was, I guess. One of my friends proclaimed that when I was done with my medication he was going to get me shitfaced, and I told him, "Uh, no. You're not. I'm straightedge." And he sort of went, "Oh, okay. That's cool." And that's it. Sometimes my friends were a little disappointed when I told them about my status. One of my friends claims that I'd make a fun drunk, which I'm not really sure how I feel about that, but he's content with me being sober and able to make sure the world doesn't end while everyone else is intoxicated.

So, I've realized what us straightedge kids grow up to be: mommies.

It's kind of hilarious, actually. We become designated drivers, soda stealers, and confidants when our friends start to get so drunk they lose their filter. They puke on us, they cry on our shoulders, they try to kiss us unexpectedly, and then we laugh about it later. And what's even more hilarious is that sometimes, we're the only one that really remembers that time that one of our friends started talking to a couch.

I still get invited to drink sometimes, but most of the time, my friends point out how glad they are to have someone that's a little more there than everyone else around, which is kind of cool. I have found my role in my social group. Being straightedge at a party school is totally doable and if people can't handle it, then clearly they shouldn't have been edge in the first place. So to my straightedge brothers and sisters- I raise my red cup of Pepsi and toast to all of you! You all have guts!

And of course, I want to know via comments if you are the straightedge kid, or if you have a straightedge kid in your group, or if you even need one! Speak :D

Sorry the first post is very tame. Whatever. I'll get snarkier as this thing gets more established.